If I complain a lot about indie rock, I assure you, it’s because I care. I’ve come to realise that I have an almost paternalistic relationship with indie rock, where I constantly bitch and moan about it because I truly do want what’s best for it. Most of the best music of the last twenty-odd years has been indie rock of some stripe, so it irritates the shit out of me the way it’s being reduced as a genre to being a bunch of bearded shmucks writing awful, fake-sensitive, vaguely quirky lyrics and bland, unmemorable melodies who are just good-looking enough to accrue a sizeable fanbase of preteen girls with IQs equal to their height in inches.
Problem A with modern indie is pretty simple, it sucks. On a purely musical level, it’s just so inoffensive and vanilla. At this point, it’s just a bunch of white twenty-somethings ripping off totemic 60s pop to diminishing returns. And what’s with the sudden influx of folk singers? Folk music is, by and large, awful. It had its moment in the sun half a century ago, it produced some good music, it’s now dead. Now, decades after the invention of the amplifier, I sort of expect new shit. There’s a reason nothing sounds like Elvis anymore. It’s been done, move on.
Another grievance I’d like to air is that modern indie rock just has none of the combative spirit or attitude that produced much of the great indie of the past. Most great indie rock was made by assholes, and there’s a reason for that. As a form, it’s just well-adapted to smug misanthropy. I’m not necessarily suggesting that it’s all gotta be abrasive and inaccessible music (though that would help), it has a lot more to do with attitude, which is sorely lacks. This generation needs a Morrissey, someone to say shit that offends people, someone to articulate all the alienation and unhappiness and anxiety felt by the more intelligent members of society. Instead, we get a bunch of shitty hippie singalongs about how great togetherness is that stupid people listen to when they get to college and want to feel intellegent without actually bothering to think. Where’s Moz when you need him? The whole idea of indie is that it should have a fanbase of people who hate sports and are sarcastic and dislike mainstream culture. Now jocks listen to indie. Fuck.
Finally, it’s lyrically awful. Whatever happened to indie rock lyrics that had literary merit? I’m one of those English major assholes who expects pseudo-profound lyrics to actually be profound, and poor-pitiful-me whining to be convincingly sad. Most modern indie rivals bad stoner prog rock for dumbass lyrics that bros fawn over because they think they’re smart. You know who has better lyrics in any given song than everything on both both Bon Iver’s albums? Fucking Gucci Mane. The guy who blurts out “GOOCH!” several times per song. Jesus.
I rant about Bon Iver a lot, but he’s not even that bad. His first album was insultingly terrible, but he’s actually making some progress and trying new things, which is something his contemporaries seem to fear more than grim fucking death. But he still kind of sucks. And who are his contemporaries? Mumford and Sons, who I would gladly argue are literally the worst band ever to play music, including every last myspace emocore brat pack in existence. Also, and again I’m including BrokenCYDE etc, in this, they have dumber, more gullible fans than any other band in the world. The kind of people I’m happy to say I’m better than. At this rate, I’ll probably end up listening to metal in twenty years, as it will be the best thing out there, and I’m compelled to listen to at least some current music so I don’t turn into one of those old people who think music was better back in the good old days.
In closing, if you’re some douche with dreadlocks and a Fleet Foxes t-shirt who smells like weed, two things. A) Fuck off. And B) Fuck off.
Post-Script: I think Sonic Youth have called it quits. That can’t be a good omen.
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